On Thursday night, President Bush is scheduled to throw out the first pitch in the opening home game for the Washington Nationals baseball team. It will be the first regular season major league baseball game in Washington in 35 years.
In the spirit of bi-partisanship for which he and the Republican party have become so well known, the Oval Office has extended an invitation for a Democratic Party response much like the opposition response presented after every State of The Union address and after each of the President’s weekly radio addresses. He has invited the Democrats to send a batter to the plate for the opening pitch.
In the spirit of this proffered bi-partisanship DNC Chairman Howard Dean has reportedly canvassed all Democrats in both the Senate and the House of Representatives in an effort to find a volunteer for this singular occasion. Only Senator John Kerry has expressed any interest although his office said he cannot decide whether he wants to bat right handed or left handed. According to a spokesperson, the Senator is on the record as having been a right handed hitter before he was a left handed hitter.
Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert says will be behind the plate for this event since he has had so much practice handling the curve balls and change ups from the Oval Office over the years. Speaker Hastert did say that he would appoint two umpires to call the pitch, one Democrat and one Republican. If they cannot agree on whether the pitch was a strike or a ball it will be declared a “no pitch” and will have to be done over until a consensus can be reached. Team officials have contingency plans to reschedule the game at a later date should an impasse occur.
Finally, in recognition of the diversity of current national political leanings, the pitcher’s mound will be dyed red and home plate will be painted blue...
And remember, you heard it here first, folks!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it….
I took friends of mine and their kids to a minor league baseball game
yesterday down in Richmond. What fun that was! The kids live in
Lithuania and are visiting here for the summer. This was their first
American baseball game.
We had a great trip, The weather was perfect, the seats were good,
great in fact, and by the time the game started the sun was low enough
that we were shaded nicely by the stadium roof. Lukas and Tina quickly
caught on that for kids a ball game is not about watching the game but
about getting a game ball as a souvenir. By about half way through the
game they had realized that the place to be was down at the railing
next to the field so they spotted a couple of unclaimed seats and
planted themselves there. Neither of them was successful which is
probably just as well. The chances of them both getting a ball were
really slim so one of them getting one would have created another
source of sibling discontent.
They had cotton candy and some kind of ice cream thing that looked like
a cross between pelletized limestone and kitty litter. They seemed to
enjoy that but then they are kids so allowances must be made I suppose.
I had a contact in the fan relations office who was going to put
together a package of team goodies for them and also put their names up
on the big electric sign board. Turned out that she was no longer
working there so that fell through but they were giving away backpacks
to all the kids so my two little Lithuanian tourists will go back to
school this fall in Vilnius sporting Richmond Braves backpacks. I got
them two “previously enjoyed baseball gloves which were a big hit with
them well. They got them autographed by a couple of players and the
team mascot, the “Diamond Duck”. Their English is very very good. They
had even learned the words to “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” and sang it
with us during the 7th inning stretch.