Please enjoy with me this story from our local paper this week:
Assault with fish lands man in jail
June 3, 2008 12:15 am
BY KEITH EPPS
A series of incidents involving a fish and his own private parts landed a Fredericksburg man in jail Sunday, police said.
City police spokeswoman Natatia Bledsoe said the suspect's troubles started Saturday about 8:30 a.m. at the 7-Eleven on Dixon Street.
Three people were at the gas pumps when the suspect entered the store. The witnesses said they noticed the suspect because he was singing very loudly.
A 40-year-old man was looking at the suspect when he came out of the store still being loud. This caught the attention of the suspect, who picked up a rock and hit the man in the neck.
Bledsoe said the man's 32-year-old friend then got out of the car and confronted the suspect about throwing the rock. The suspect grabbed a fish out of his car and hit the friend in the face with it.
The suspect threw a beer bottle onto the vehicle at the gas pump, which belonged to the fish victim's girlfriend. Witnesses said he dropped his pants and flashed his private parts to all three.
The suspect, who the victims said they didn't know, drove off before police arrived. But Bledsoe said police got a photo from the store's security camera and took it around the neighborhood.
Residents identified the suspect as 21-year-old Marcellus Coleman. On Sunday, police got a tip that Coleman was in an abandoned house on Myrick Street.
Police found him there and took him into custody. Bledsoe said that as Coleman was being led to the police cruiser, he spit on a resident who he apparently believed informed police of his whereabouts. The spitting led to an assault charge.
Coleman was also charged with malicious wounding, destruction of property and indecent exposure. He was placed in the Rappahannock Regional Jail under no bond.
Keith Epps: 540/374-5404
I don't know what the penalty is for carrying a concealed flounder but on a scale of 1 to 10 it should not be that bad. I mean a guy's got to get some credit for stuffing that fish wherever he stuffed it. I mean they don't even make a flounder holster do they?
And people wonder why I call Fredericksburg, "Mayberry On Crack". Heck we even have our own Ernest T. Bass.