It's almost spring and...

...they're back. The Bradford pear trees that line the streets and by-ways of Fredericksburgare in full stinky bloom. This is a tree that is directly in front of my office door. It's deceptively beautiful but get too close to it and your nostrils will be assailed by the aroma of unwashed feet.

                           
Years ago, for some inexplicable reason the powers that be here in "Mayberry-On-Crack" decided that we should have a town symbol, something around which we could build a theme for the downtown area. They chose the most noxious tree on earth, the

Bradford pear. It heralds the Spring season with delicate white blossoms that look as if they should smell as nice as they look but one breath of their aroma and you feel as if you have done a swan dive into the dirty sock basket at the "Final Four".

This year as it happened, a sudden warm spell caused the trees to bloom even before the forsythia and daffodils. All well and good I suppose except for the fact in the fall the Bradford pear trees begin to drop small nasty tasting pears that have been lurking in their foliage all summer, thus ushering in a fifth season, car washing season, when car wash owners begin to hear their cash registers ringing like the bells of St. Mary. The overripe fruit sticks to your car, eats away at your paint and need to be washed off as soon as possible. Some of these auto deposits are even more noxious as they are the result of these pears having spent a short and productive time in the gastrointestinal tracts of several hundred thousand starlings.

Now the city fathers (and mothers) have come to the conclusion that maybe these starling buffets have overstayed their welcome. Henceforth the

Bradford pear trees will be replaced by some other species of leaf factory as they die off or split limbs from their trunks as they are wont to do. All well and good I suppose except for one small detail. We have also embraced a New Years tradition in which a giant lit up pear is dropped from above the street at Midnight to mark the arrival of the New Year like the ball in Times Square.

I wonder if anyone has a design for a giant lit up starling that could just crap on cars at midnight instead. Hmmm...now where did I put  all those strings of Christmas lights.....