Grinchily speaking...

This time of year is always a bit difficult for me. I always seem to find that “spirit of the season a  to be bit elusive but thanks to a local radio station there is hope on my holiday horizon. They have assumed that repetition of a message will do the trick and consequently have been playing the same selection of Christmas songs as encouragement all day, every day since the Monday morning after Thanksgiving. It’s a reasonable assumption that this all began during the tryptophan induced vegetative state we all found ourselves in right after Thanksgiving dinner.

Their messages of holiday cheer go something like this: 
Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree – A true inspiration this year since so many of the trees are being hung upside down, thus leaving room for several more pole dancers at the “Christmas party hop”

Jingle Bells – Especially uplifting given that it suggests the ever nostalgic thought of riding on a sleigh (who sells sleighs today, anyway?) with a close up view of some bells tied to a horse’s butt while singing a sleighing song. Can you name one sleighing song? 

"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” – Look at the grand total cost of your Christmas shopping list and tell me if anyone but a hermit or cloistered monk can have a “merry little Christmas”.

Most Wonderful Time of The Year- So it’s really not when the kids go back to school after all? Does that mean that Staples lied to us with their commercials?

The Christmas Song – “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire” Yeah, that does it for me for sure. A virtually extinct nut that doesn’t taste all that bloody good anyway and Jack Frost can go and nip someone else’s nose cause I’ll put his lights out if he gets up mine.

Hurry Down The Chimney- Some sultry voiced tramp trying to come on to an old guy…heck that’s the
California state song isn’t?

I’ll Be Home For Christmas – Probably not so much because gas is over $2.00 per gallon and after shopping, who has money left to travel?

A Chipmunk Christmas – Alvin, Theodore et al being cute with cheeks full of the seed you bought to feed the birds.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town – Be good kids! If you’re bad, you’ll only be able to play with your friends’ toys because  you won’t get squat. They do actually have a list and it’s strictly adhered to under powers granted by The Patriot Act.

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer – Super! Granny with Blitzen prints up her back…no cookies this year kids because Grandma’s in a full body cast and drinking her Ensure through a straw.

I’ll Have A Blue Christmas – Yessir, now that’s a cheery little holiday ditty.

That’s the bad news. The good news is that all those bloody dogs that barked out the song “Jingle Bells” last year have apparently been picked up by the Animal Control officer and we won’t have that one to suffer through this year.

Barumpabump-bum...just for fun.

Adeste fideles, y’all.

Comments

[Uncle Jack]

Jim---You sleigh me! U.J.

[tammy]

You've forgotten...
Hard Candy Christmas- what's more festive than a group of out of work hookers for the holidays?

[Jim Brodhead]

Thanks Tammy but to tell the truth, this particular station has, so far, not played that and it slipped what passes for my mind.

[Susan]

Too funny! Thanks for the laugh...and just think, my holiday spirit had been on the rise until I read this! (Kidding)

Happy Holidays Mr. Grinch!