Contentment can help build emotional health.

The more things change the more they...blah..blah...blah  It took almost a year after my marriage ended in 1993 before I realized my basic truth that before I could ever again be in a life partnership I would have to become content as a single person, not resigned to being single but truly content. I had to be OK by myself before I would ever be good for anyone else. I remember that line from “Jerry McGuire” where Renee Zelwigger said to Tom Cruise, “You complete me!” (At least I think it was her line.) That seemed to me then and still does seem like an awfully dysfunctional view. If I am not complete by myself, I had better not expect anyone else to complete me. Perhaps they can complete my life in the sense that they make it more full but I, as a person had damn well better be better be whole on my own. It wasn’t until sometime well into 1995 that it dawned on me “Hey, I can do this!” and I did do it for the next 8 or 9 years but recently things have changed. The last year or so when I am out I see couples and I find myself envious of the togetherness some of them are enjoying and appalled at the way others who are obviously together are ignoring each other. I find myself wondering if I have regressed to a ‘can’t be alone’ state or am I finally mature enough (age 58, it’s about time, right?) to be able to sustain and thrive in a healthy relationship. I would like to think it is the latter, of course. And speaking of movie lines, I much prefer Jack Nicholson’s line in “As Good As It Gets”. When Helen Hunt asked him why he couldn’t just pay her a simple compliment, he did those wonderful Nicholsonian facial contortions before he said, “You make me want to be a better man.” I think that’s the kind of partner I would like to find. (Not Nicholson, for crying out loud...the kind of woman who would make want to be a better man!) Finally for today, a note of explanation as to why I write this stuff here. By and large, guys don’t have an outlet for these sorts of ruminations unless they have a female friend to talk to. I am very fortunate though, I do have a guy friend that I can have conversations like this with, but in general, guys don’t talk to other guys about the things I write about . Can you see Chuck lining up a putt on the 16th green while Larry adjusts himself, maybe spits once or twice and talks like this. Or Bubba and Junior, waiting in a deer blind for a big buck, passing around the Red Man and trading thoughts about NASCAR racing and their emotions. Anyway, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it… Posted 8/16/2004 at 03:47:29 PM

posted by: JimBrodhead | 1 comments (view/add)